Sometimes, I don’t want to wake up at all

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When I wake up in the morning, I feel like my consciousness is not catching up with myself, and I would fall of trip in the daily living process of life. I would suddenly stop in the middle of everything and decide to stare up at the sky. Or I would forget completely of what I was doing and start questioning the existence of this world that I seem to be struggling to live in. There are so many reasons for me to want to run away from the things I have right now, and that reasons keep me sort of in a trance of not living and living, although physically alive, but not fully alive. Then, there’s the guilt for myself for not living well enough, and that will add to the collection of the lower self-esteem movement I’ve been having as a young child.

There’s always two identities, clashing, in a language perspective, of good and bad, and the outside and the inside. We are all, pretty good liars when it comes to social life, and adapting into that system is one way to cross out the free path of living as oneself. The pursuit of self is always indulging, rocky and swaying, complicated and a lonely path, the understanding that no one can ever understand one another, plunging you into more of yourself, and that we are ultimately alone in such a big world. And that’s why the stars are so bright at night, because such distance between the stars, the light will not diminish each other but will enhance its shine even more.

 

mugiho

 

 

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