There was once a story of someone writing a story and that image just drifted into my mind so I am writing like this, listening to what my hand tells me to do and I have no idea what I’m writing but I keep writing.
I have always thought writing was the furthest from the things I thought I would do. I’ve always loved to read, but those wordings and sentences, the way a writer can just create pages after pages, series, so many books, so many words in their lifetime, the enormity and skill and the courage was unbelievable I got scared just thinking about it.
The more I read, the more I knew and shivered of the immensely talented writers and that just made me cringe and hide my notes on some thought quietly without anyone noticing.
Another reason was, I was bad at writing. Now I know, well I don’t know about what the society in general say about this, (and being honest I really don’t care, sorry) but that there is no such thing as a bad writing.
But until I really got into this way of thinking, writing was one of the things I really hated. The marks given out in primary school book essays or the small short paragraphs I needed to write, all of it, the teachers told me to do better, that it was not quite right. I wrote with the desperation to get accepted, to be seen better, wanting to be seen smart or all of those egoistic, but rather self damaging desires bubbling up always.
I somehow broke out of that.
It was when I started my last rear of high school in New Zealand. My English teacher gave me something. She really read my writing. She gave a new insight, a new way of seeing myself, not the always damaged and messy writing, but a unique tone, phrasing, my own rhythm, she pointed out to me from my first draft I handed in.
She gave me all sorts of writing projects, reviews, essay, analysis, and I did anything I could get my hands on.
And here I am.
Although I still have messy structure and phrases, spelling mistakes, grammar is always an issue for a second language learner, but I am happy, just really happy, that I love writing so much, that I can write and feel alright, or send a letter to someone and they reply with a smile on their faces.
Writing is a special way of speaking the mind in this crazy chaotic world. To write is to dive your soul deeper into those intertwined connections and emotions, and everything of all of it. It’s about letting you to be who you want to be, and not who you should be, to speak and dance between the lines and the spaces and it just feels so good. So so good. That’s what writing should feel like.