One of the things I had issue with, is, well my life in general.
There were constant changes which affected my childhood greatly and I would never know how to be in a place at all. So as you can imagine, I grew up to be a pretty awkward being. It’s like there’s this curse, whenever I am nearly grasping the things I want most, and that I have much the capacity and level to achieve it, it somehow slips away. Let that be about school, opportunities, meeting people and so on, it’s always luring in the corner of life and I always seem to miss its sign. Almost every year, I get sick prior to my birthday, and sick, I mean really really sick, I end up not getting a single birthday celebration, nights out with friends, anything at all. I move to a whole new place about every two years, since I was born. (I’m 21 now so easy calculation, 10 times, but actually more than that if I’ve counted through my memories right)
There’s this constant nagging in my thoughts, always a voice telling me thousand reasons why it CANNOT go well. And yes, maybe the past decade worth of data can suggest me such possibilities to be higher than imagined. But then again, why did I repeat those failures all these years at all?
I would not start analysing all my life and output a solution. Because I’ve already done that. And it didn’t work.
So I am starting another approach. That is, to dig deeper and deeper into the reasons of everything that I am. It is not analysing because I am not collecting any data or making a judgement upon it. Rather, as one answer comes up, I will ask another. For me, I would start with the question of my strong interest and something I want it to be part of my future: Why study philosophy?
→What would you want to do with that knowledge? → Why would you want to do that with your knowledge? → How would it feel if you accomplish it? → Where would you go? → What is it, that you want to be, to see in this world using, working with that knowledge? → …….
→ Why do you want others to read your writing at all? → Why write when there are so many talented writers? → What do you feel when you write? → What
And the ultimate question is,
Would you keep loving and doing the things you think you love even if people tell you to stop or it gets banned or that you someone tells you you’re not talented or should quit and go on with a better job, or tell you what a failure you are, those voices will evaporate soon enough for you to keep loving it still? Is that what you’re doing right now?
Don’t underestimate life. Life is a risk, everyday is a risk, and it is somewhat rude to life, for us human to think that we are smart, making choices of compromise in order to live a society norm standard of “good life”.
It’s rude to your parents who birthed you, your friends who adore you, and most of all, to yourself. Risk it. Life is worth it, and you know that already. Don’t be afraid to keep asking that question, keep going, keep asking and keep loving life…
How to live life when it feels like crap? Keep asking questions until you get there, until you’re coming up with millions more, keep asking.